You deserve the kind of friend who sees you. Who builds you up. Who helps you sort through your mess. Who calls you out on your mess. Who loves you in spite of your mess. You deserve to feel worthy. To feel security. To feel stability. To be and feel accepted.

It’s a random day and my in laws are visiting. Small talk is happening to fill in the silence. My mother in law observes the candles I have strewn about. Inquires on their whereabouts. I tell her, “I don’t know, a good friend of mine gets them for me. It’s like she knows when I’m running out and replenishes.” This conversation seems innocent enough. But it’s the thing that brings me to this startling revelation.

It’s no secret that I’m a myriad of things; mother, wife, friend, sister, teacher, poet, etc.

I never stopped to consider that I am first a person. This friend of mine reminds me of my personhood. Speaks to that part of myself that is buried under everything/everyone else I place in importance.

It’s also no secret (maybe it is but the cat will be out of the bag), my biological father left me. And of course, it has shaped a lot of my beliefs about my worth and has had an impact on my self-esteem. Most days, I don’t believe I’m worth doing a good deed for just for the sake of it.

I spend most of my time tending to the wounds of others to prove my value, to prove I’m worth staying for, to prove to myself I wasn’t a mistake. And as always, the universe has this necessary way of challenging the views in which you measure yourself.

Friends are one of the most important relationships you will have the pleasure of maintaining. They help dismantle problematic views and shape your healthy beliefs. They allow you a place to unpack your burdens and sort through that shit. They are the shoulder that you can cry on. The comic that will laugh with you and make jokes out of less than stellar decisions. They are our compasses in the world. They give us direction. Sometimes they confirm a path we are second guessing. They accept us in a way we don’t have to put on a facade.

They’re our candles.

They offer cleansing. Change the atmosphere in a room. Provide a light in our darker hours. They’re our peace. Our calm. Our voice of reason. Our support system.

How often do we get lost in the responsibility of what we do that we forget who we are? Oftentimes, life pulls us away from the essential parts of ourselves and good friends lead us back.

I am hopeful anyone reading this has at least one friend who knows to replenish their flames when they’ve been blown out.

You’re worth it!

7 thoughts on “Candles”

  1. My boy/bro def plays this role for me…. Lets me know when im hesded down the wrong path, making the wrong decisions, etc….. Knows exactly how to bring me back to understanding our role as Kings at home and abroad. Great post!

  2. Thank you for being a Candle in my life. You rejuvenate me in so many ways. Thanks for these posts. Always put things in life in perspective love you

  3. That’s what you are in my life a candle!! Thank you for being the light when I’ve lost my way.

  4. That was awesome! Almost like you knew what was transpiring on this side and gave it some clarity. A friend is definitely a must in this chaotic world. Thank you for sharing

  5. Ashlee wonderful words. I most certainly agree with your definition of a friend. Friendship is such an honor to have and give. You captured my feelings of what friendship means. Thank you for sharing ma’am. I look forward to reading much more from you.

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