The sinews of my character often binds many relationships. I am a source of light. A source of intoxicating energy. I have loved freely and trusted many with my heart. I admit, I was frivolous where I should have practiced frugality. I am a believer of love conquering all however, I fail to acknowledge and understand not everyone is loving. Some of us have been so jaded we spew hatred, spread our toxic venom, and poison any and everyone we come into contact with. The proverbial saying “misery loves company” overshadows the healing love brings. I exhaust myself giving so much and become extremely hurt when reciprocity is not evident. We are wired to be takers. Since birth to adolescent age and sometimes beyond, we are put on a pedestal where our every need is anticipated and met, with very little room to learn reciprocity. A select few of us are innate givers and attract the worst kinds of people: abusers. They plug into our energy socket. Charge up. Drain us of our supply and then have the audacity to question why we are so fatigued. I yearn to yell out my frustrations and bludgeon them with my disappointments. I must remember, they only did what I allowed.
I am learning to take accountability for my part in the dysfunction. Lots of times, I was too afraid to speak up because I did not view myself of being worthy of the thing I required. I did not think I was deserving of what I gave out. Lastly, I was scared they would leave. I never thought about the weight or burden of their presence. I felt as if something was wrong with me if they abandoned me.
Sometimes abandonment is a saving grace.
I was conditioned to believe otherwise. Abandonment feels like rejection and we take it personal. Often times, it isn’t the idea of you as a person but the reality of you is too much to bear and instead of trying, most will walk out. They walk out on the responsibility and the inability to treat you as you deserve. Instead of internalizing this, spiraling into self-doubt, we must understand, we are not for everyone. The moment you decide to require others to treat you with respect and reciprocity is the precise moment most will fall by the wayside. I learned that loving me first will be an issue to anyone who is toxic to my growth, my evolution, my transformation. For every situation I sacrificed and put myself on the line to be used, abused, and reused, I was teaching myself I was not worthy of a healthy love. Or a relationship of give and take. Not only does this cost us our self-worth, it depletes us. Leaving behind depression. The aftermath is destruction, a place of hurt and chaos.
Some people are a virus.
They recognize you as the antiviral drug and get addicted to your essence. They hope to overdose on your goodness to help eradicate the evil that lies within. You have to protect your essence. We are around viral sicknesses and these people will corrupt every good thing about you and throw you off balance. As an empath, I find it extremely hard to turn away from these kinds of people because I am wired to take on their infection, I am drawn to their affliction and consequently, I contract their disease.
Separation begets clarity.
As you navigate through this terrain of life, it is absolutely necessary you remember, there is no other life than this one. You can not sign up to be collateral damage to the people in your life. Placing yourself as casualty will only force you to harden to the world. It is OK to love from a distance. It is OK to choose you first. The hardest part of the lesson is knowing the people that have to go and actually deciding to let them go. Sometimes it will be indefinite and other times, it will be a season. Either way, it is needed and will better serve you in the long run.
Blessings to you as you spring clean your life. Below are some types of people to steer clear of. Remember love can only heal the person if they are willing to admit they need to change.
How to identify the viruses in your life:
Narcissists- the sun rises and sets on their command. They view themselves as the Alpha and Omega of all things. Attention seekers.
Projectors- they displace their shortcomings and blame their misery on you.
Pessimists- It does not matter the time of day, they find every reason to be negative and will not stop spewing their venom until you are affected.
Deflectors- Often defensive. Prefer “yes-men” than to hear the truth. Has every excuse or justification for their actions. They are the victims, it is never their fault.